It is close to a year and a half since our lives on Earth have been devastated by an unrelenting virus which has caused grief, sorrow, sickness and death in millions of homes in almost every country, on every continent of our planet. We, in South Africa are still in the midst of this pandemic and yet we are unable to come to terms with the pandemonium that it has caused in our lives. What we have learnt is that life is short, very short and that no amount of wealth can save one from death. Religious leaders from all faiths, have called upon people to take stock of their lives and change for the better, to reset the button of our lifestyle, but sadly there are many who refuse to take heed and selfishly carry on with their bad habits. Those who have lost loved ones suddenly due to COVID-19 are now stressing to others the value of bonding with family and treasuring them. While some families have strengthened their bonds, I on the other hand, am unwittingly caught in the middle of a family feud that is threatening to break my family ties in one way or the other.
I am a 40 year old female happily married to my loving husband MMM and living a relatively peaceful life with our 3 kids in the EEE estate. My husband hails from a well-known and close knit family from LLL. While growing up in LLL, my husband and his cousins all lived close to each other and grew up more as siblings than as cousins. MMM and his cousin NNN who are the same age (44) were inseparable from childhood. As the years passed and they each got married, their lives began to revolve more around their own wife and kids, but they still kept in close contact with each other. MMM would always relate stories to me about the ‘good old days’ with NNN and how NNN was closer to him than his own brothers. NNN married a girl from out of town AAA and they currently live in LLL with their two kids. In October last year, NNN came over to our home one Sunday afternoon to have a meeting with my husband. He seemed very worried and depressed and MMM also looked very grave after their meeting. Knowing the closeness of their relationship, I did not pry since MMM would have informed me had it not been a confidential matter. After a few months, I came to find out that NNN was having problems with his wife AAA and it had reached the point where talk of divorce was on the cards. When I mentioned it to MMM, he then confessed to me that he was aware of the problems they had and that he had explained to his cousin that all couples go through a rough patch and that their constant squabbling was probably due to the frustrations of the COVID-19 lockdown. NNN thereafter decided to work on his marriage and not take any drastic measures.
In February of this year, when lockdown restrictions were partially lifted to level 3 and small gatherings were allowed, we met NNN and AAA at a small family wedding. AAA and I had not been particularly close over the years despite the strong bond of brotherhood our husbands shared. However, I was quite surprised when she came to sit with me at the function and talked incessantly to me as if we were long lost best friends. She seemed particularly interested in my dad’s side of the family and asked me a lot of questions about my relationship with my cousins. Most of my father’s side of the family are originally from LLL and although we are a big family, we maintained close family ties. I answered all her questions thinking that she was just trying to make conversation and be friendly. Strangely, that evening after the function, MMM grilled me about the conversation I had with AAA. He wanted to know every little detail of our conversation which is something he has never bothered asking me about, regarding any of my female friends. He even went as far as asking me if I sensed anything odd in AAA’s behavior and if she seemed to be the type of woman who would cheat on her husband. I snapped at him jealously asking him since when was he showing so much of interest in other females, let alone his own cousin’s wife. It was only then that he took me into confidence and told me that NNN and AAA were having marital problems. Although NNN was trying to sort out their problems, AAA seemed adamant on getting a divorce. I was shocked as after spending the afternoon with AAA, she didn’t strike me as a woman who was experiencing any personal issues. In fact, she behaved the direct opposite as she was positively glowing and full of smiles. My description of AAA to MMM seem to bother him even more, whereupon he closed the topic and that was my cue to let it be.
A month later, early one morning, after dropping the kids at school, I stopped at the supermarket at FFF Mall a few kilometers away from my home, to buy a few groceries. I hurriedly bought a few items and on my way out, I unexpectedly walked straight into AAA who was all dolled up with her face mask barely covering her face and giggling with a male at the entrance of the mall. My jaw dropped open when I recognized the voice of the male who was wearing his mask to be none other than my paternal first cousin ZZZ from LLL. AAA looked totally shocked to see me and nervously stammered something about needing to buy something and hurriedly left. She walked away, but not before anxiously glancing at ZZZ who casually greeted her goodbye and told her to pass his regards on to her husband NNN. ZZZ then spent a good 15 minutes talking to me to catch up on family news. ZZZ who has been divorced for a few years now, worked with my elder brother in our large family business which my dad and uncles had opened up together. He nonchalantly told me that he was meeting with a client in the area, but that he had stopped to do some banking first at the center. ZZZ seemed so calm and collected that I put AAA’s strange behavior down to my overactive imagination. As ZZZ and I waved goodbye, he jokingly told me to help him find a good wife.
We parted in good humor and I went about my day forgetting about my initial wariness upon first seeing AAA with ZZZ. We were a few days away from the start of Ramadaan and in the hustle and bustle of preparing for the fasting month, I forgot to mention this incident to MMM. Thereafter, I only met AAA at her in-laws place a month later when we went to greet my uncle and aunt in- laws on Eid day in May.For some reason I felt that AAA looked very uneasy upon seeing me and although she greeted me cordially she kept avoiding having a conversation alone with me. Her previous friendliness from the afternoon we spent together at the wedding a few months back had dissipated into a nervous frenzy. However, I mentally reprimanded myself for having unfounded suspicions and suppressed my nagging doubts.
Unfortunately, sometimes even though we try to ignore our gut instinct in order to give others the benefit of the doubt, the truth always finds a way to surface when you least expect it. Three weeks back, MMM barged into our home one evening after work and in a sharp no nonsense tone told me to follow him into the study. He shut the door behind us and raised his voice asking me if I knew that AAA and my cousin ZZZ were having an affair. I denied having any such knowledge. MMM then told me that NNN had been suspicious of his wife and so for the past month he had been following her without her knowledge. AAA always seemed to be parking her car at different malls early in the morning on certain weekdays after she had dropped the kids off at school.
After she entered the mall, she would disappear and her phone was then switched off. After two to three hours she emerged from the mall empty handed, jumped into her car and drove back home. After witnessing this strange routine on three separate occasions, NNN decided to employ the help of a female colleague unknown to AAA to follow her closely. As AAA left the parking lot one morning and walked into the mall, his female colleague hurried back after a few minutes and told NNN to quickly drive to the parking lot exit and follow a white BMW with XXX registration. NNN followed her instructions while she explained that AAA parked her car in the indoor parking lot, walked into the mall, then took the escalator to the lower level and then exited to the lower level parking lot where a male in a White BMW was waiting for her. NNN managed to track the BMW and he followed them to a nearby guest house. Oblivious to being followed, AAA and her male counterpart entered the guest lodge holding hands. NNN and his female assistant waited a few minutes and then also entered the lodge on the pretext of renting a room. Once inside, NNN offered a female staff member a large sum of money in exchange for information about AAA. After some coaxing the truth was revealed that AAA and her partner had been frequenting the guest house for almost 9 months. They came in different cars and always paid cash.
After two hours, AAA and her masked boyfriend emerged and drove back to the mall followed by NNN. AAA was dropped off at a different entrance to the one she had entered from and parked her vehicle at. She then walked through the mall back to her car and left for home. In the meantime, NNN followed the male who drove straight to his workplace. It was only when the male reached his business and jumped out of the car without his mask did NNN discover the shocking identity of my cousin, ZZZ. He drove home in a daze to confront AAA. Without telling her how he knew she was having an affair, NNN directly accused AAA of cheating with ZZZ and told her not to bother denying it. After a massive argument in which NNN threatened to call his parents and in-laws home to expose AAA, she finally came clean and admitted to her affair and sobbingly begged for his forgiveness. NNN left his home to relate the whole story to MMM since ZZZ was his cousin in -law. Together they called ZZZ who also admitted to the affair. However ZZZ insisted that he was under the impression that AAA and NNN were already living separate lives and in the process of a divorce, according to the information fed to him by AAA. NNN told ZZZ to call off his relationship immediately with AAA if he valued his life. MMM also warned my cousin that there would be a serious price to pay if he didn’t stop seeing AAA. ZZZ apologized and readily agreed as he did not want to get dragged into their marital problem.
I listened to all this in shocked silence and then explained to MMM how I had bumped into the two of them, three months ago and how it now all made sense the way AAA was behaving so guiltily and ZZZ telling me that he came to bank, when the banks were not even open so early in the morning. What I could not understand is how NNN could be so blinded to blame ZZZ and not see his own wife’s fault in the matter. It made no sense why he would still want to stay in a marriage with her. I tried to explain my thoughts to MMM but he surprised me by angrily accusing me of taking my family’s side. He also lashed out in anger and suggested that my brother knew about the affair since ZZZ worked with him and surely he would know about ZZZ’s whereabouts during work hours. I tried to defend my brother, but it ensued in a messy argument. MMM and I finally resolved our differences after a week of stony silence and tension in our home, when we both agreed that we should distance ourselves from the issue of others and focus on our own lives instead. Easier said than done, because a week ago on the day of Eid-ul-Adha, when we had lunch with my parents and siblings (despite the level 4 lockdown rules) I could sense the tension between MMM and my brother. MMM behaved very aloof with my family especially my brother and insisted that we needed to leave early as he was tired and still needed to visit his family as well. When we reached my in-laws, the first people we saw were AAA and NNN who were looking all in love and happy as if they had never had a problem. MMM’s whole demeanor changed when we were with his family and I noticed him treating AAA extra nicely. It was clear that my husband was not impartial to this matter and that he had chosen his side. Although I am happy that AAA and NNN have managed to resolve their issues, I am extremely hurt that AAA’s callous attitude has caused problems in other people’s lives. As for ZZZ, my husband doesn’t want to hear his name at all in our home. In fact, he invited us for a function recently but MMM not only refused to attend, but insisted that I too not attend. I find this grossly unfair as the two guilty parties have happily moved on with their lives without any accountability for their actions, while the tension is still ongoing in my home.
I know that by writing this article, MMM will be greatly angered, but I wish for him and all the other readers to understand how getting involved in helping others with their marital problems can come back to bite you. Furthermore, it is important to remain impartial when the mediator is related to one of the parties. Perhaps it is better that the mediator should not be related to any one of the parties. It is important to remember that when two adults embark on an extramarital affair, that consensus occurs from both parties and that both of them are at fault. The squabbling couple usually end up happily together, while those who tried to help end up looking like fools. In my case by my husband trying to help his cousin, it has caused a family rift and no matter whose side I choose, I end up being the loser. I nevertheless still very much love my husband and pray that our differences on this matter will soon be a thing of the past.
– Disappointed Wife
