Caution- readers should take note that Punchaat (talking ill of someone else) is detested in all religions. The only reason the Laudium Sun publishes the Punchaat column is to reflect one of the realities of our society, which is Punchaat, Punchaat and more Punchaat. People need to respect each other’s privacy, be it that of family members or friends. Let us as a society stop the Punchaat so that we the Laudium Sun, need no longer reflect this scourge.
This column is for readers who have issues that are of concern to them. If you have problems with your neighbour, your mother-in-law, your boss or even with the shopkeeper down the road, write to us. This column is for you. If you so desire, you need not give your name or any other personal details. Publication and editing is at the discretion of the editor.
In order to avoid innocent parties being mistakenly identified, the Laudium Sun has, where necessary and appropriate, replaced names or other identifiers in this column with symbols like Mr? or Mrs X or XXX.
There was a time many years back, when I was so consumed by anger, hurt, betrayal and revenge that I began to contemplate ending my life. At my very lowest point, fate intervened and I came across a profound quote which up to today, turned out to be my lifeline and my reason to sit back and wait patiently. This lifeline composed of five simple words which simply stated “Karma never loses an address”. For almost close to twenty years, whenever I felt the pain of the injustice meted out to me, these words were my only comfort and today after all this time the truth of this quote has materialised.
My story began at the tender, naïve age of twenty one when I fell in love, or should I rather say I thought I was in love with SSS the man of my dreams. SSS and I both lived in LLL and knew one another from school days. He never really paid much attention to me, but I admired him from afar and fantasised a fairytale life being married to him. SSS was popular, confident and very charming, whereas I on the other hand retreated from the limelight due to my lack of self confidence and self perceived awkwardness. SSS somehow got to know of my infatuation for him from a friend of mine who betrayed my trust. He approached me one day to ask me out and this was the happiest day of my life, as his knowledge of my feelings towards him was unknown to me at the time. My parents were very strict and SSS convinced me to court him secretly so as not to arouse their suspicions. We would meet secretly many afternoons at his friend’s home in the same area we lived, whose parents were both at work during the day. It is too painful to dwell on my foolishness during this time, but due to my intense infatuation for SSS, which at that time I believed was the big four letters, LOVE, I allowed him to have his way with me by sleeping with me, after his insistence, as I believed his convincing lies that I was the only girl for him and that he would soon be coming to propose for me.
This relationship carried on for almost a year until SSS who clearly eventually became tired of me, started making excuses that he was now working full time in the family business and could no longer meet me. At first I believed him, but I had the wind knocked out of me when shortly thereafter, I heard about SSS’s engagement to a pretty young girl from Johannesburg. It only dawned on me then, that he had merely been using me and that he had no intention of ever marrying me. My deepest humiliation occurred when I tried approaching him and he walked past me as if I did not exist. He sent a message through one of his friends that if I valued my reputation, I should not interfere with his engagement by telling his fiancé anything about our relationship, not even that we merely went out. Feeling ashamed and dejected, I withdrew completely from society.
SSS got married six months later with great pomp and splendour and with his dashing bride they moved into their new mansion in CCC. Every time I heard about how happy they were and how well he was doing in his family business I burst into tears. I prayed fervently for my pain to subside and with time the pain turned to numbness and I decided to put the past behind me and move on with my life. Then, a few years later, I received a proposal from MMM who strictly believed in arranged marriages. I saw this as an opportunity to start anew. MMM was very quiet and reserved and although he didn’t set my pulse racing, I felt safe in his company. We were married within three months and I looked forward to a happy future with my new spouse.
About 7 months into our marriage, MMM and I were blessed with the exciting news of my pregnancy. I felt so elated that all my past hurt and humiliation was erased. A week after receiving this joyous news I received a phone call from a private number one morning while MMM was at work. I went cold with shock when I heard SSS’s voice on the other end. While I tried to gather myself, I heard him apologizing profusely for the manner in which he had treated me. He tried to convince me that he had been coerced into a loveless marriage by his parents. He claimed to have truly loved me and begged for my forgiveness and asked if I would please meet him in person. I coldly informed him that I had buried the past and that he should never try to communicate with me again. I warned him that if he tried contacting me again I would inform his wife. Upon hearing this threat of mine, his tune suddenly changed to the real him, as he sneeringly remarked to me that I should be grateful for his attention and that my husband should thank him for teaching his wife how to please a man. Utterly disgusted with his rotten attitude and clearly his false repenting, I slammed the phone down on him. SSS whose ego could not handle the rejection from the one woman whom he thought would never get over him, decided to teach me a lesson. He played the most cruel attack on me and my dignity, by calling up my husband and informing him that he had been my ‘first’. That evening MMM stormed into the house in a rage and demanded to know the truth from me. I broke down in anguish and admitted everything. MMM slapped me and used the most vulgar language to describe what he thought of me. I begged him for forgiveness, but he told me that had it not been for me carrying his unborn child he would have divorced me on the spot. My entire pregnancy period, which should have been the most exciting and happy time of my life, was spent in misery and tears. Publicly MMM treated me politely but at home it was a different story. He moved into a separate bedroom and behaved completely cold and indifferent towards me. Then, despite my poor emotional condition, I was most grateful to the Almighty for blessing us with a normal healthy baby boy. I thought the birth of our son would soften MMM’s heart but he withdrew further away from me and invested all his time at home with our baby. My isolation and loneliness increased day by day and I could not share my feelings with anybody in my immediate family, as I was too ashamed to admit the truth to them. Eventually when our son turned two, MMM sat me down and explained that for the sake of his child he would be moving back into our bedroom as he did not want his son growing up with the knowledge that his parent’s lived separate lives and he also wanted our son to have siblings. I was extremely grateful but MMM warned me that I should not have any further expectations from him as he would never be able to love me, but as the mother of his children he would always provide for me. I agreed all the while hoping that with time he would eventually forgive me. Two years later I fell pregnant again and this time a beautiful baby girl was added to our family. MMM and I always made sure our kids received all the love two parents could give their children and we never let them feel the strain of our damaged relationship. Although I tried to please MMM and win over his love, there always remained a barrier between us. He never shared his personal joys or sorrows with me and our conversation strictly related to the kid’s upbringing and household responsibilities.
I remained guilt-ridden and depressed living with a man whom I knew only felt disdain towards me and merely tolerated me for the sake of our children. While I suffered the loss of my husband’s love and respect, SSS was living the high life. My brother, who was unaware of the past and unfortunate relationship I had with SSS, would occasionally meet up with him at get togethers, as they shared a similar circle of friends. My brother would then relate to me and my siblings, whenever we met how well SSS was doing financially and how he was always travelling on exotic holidays. Thankfully, he did not mention SSS when we were with MMM. I felt that life was so unfair, that SSS had the perfect marriage and lifestyle while he had ruined mine. However, there was an incident about five years after SSS’s marriage where he committed an act of fraud and was kicked out of the family business without a cent. I thought his evil ways were finally catching up with him. However, in this incident he got away by blaming others and although his family stopped supporting him, his in- laws stepped in and opened up a new business for him and provided him with complete financial assistance. But, like I said in the beginning, sooner or later the wrong you do comes back to bite you.
Imagine my surprise, when after all these years, I have recently heard the news that SSS’s wife had kicked him out of the house and asked for a divorce. I have heard that all the while they were portraying the happy couple to the outside world, their marriage was in fact troubled from almost the beginning. SSS had been emotionally abusing his wife over the years and had never stopped womanising. A few years into their marriage his wife had caught him having an affair with her best friend, but due to his false promises and lies that he would never do so again, she took him back. She had been the one who ran the business her parents had opened up for SSS and all the money that was made belonged to her, although SSS had free reign to spend as he pleased. Even the house they were living in was in her name. His wife tried to be the model spouse by always respecting her husband and never letting on to her family the way SSS ill-treated her.
However, a month back his party ended when his wife caught him red handed with another woman, this time it was with a woman who worked at the bank. I have heard from my brother who was also disgusted with the news, that SSS had been having this latest affair, before the 2020 Coronavirus lockdown and had ended up impregnating his then mistress. To keep the matter quiet he had secretly married her and was taking out money from his first wife’s business to support his new wife. When he was caught out by his first or original wife, he once again tried to worm his way out of the situation with his cunning lies, but this time his first wife sent him packing with only a suitcase of his clothing. Although I feel terrible for the trauma his wife and children are undergoing, I somehow feel that it is better that they found out now rather than living in a fool’s paradise. Finally, his true face has been exposed to the world and although my marriage may never improve, I feel a sense of justice in SSS’s downfall. The very shame he had tried to impose on me has now befallen him, to the point that he has moved into a tiny flat of his new wife and depends on her for financial support. I have heard that he even doesn’t have his own car and shares the car of his new wife. As the saying goes, “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”, something SSS did not realise whilst cheating on his first wife who provided for him.
My story may sound like the tale of sour grapes from a jilted but naïve ex girlfriend, but I am relating it anyhow, in the hope that by reading this article it will serve as a warning to the many SSS’s out there who use and abuse women, just to say, ‘eventually you will reap what you sow’. As for all the young girls out there who are swayed by the words of men or beasts like SSS who make false promises before marriage please don’t fall for these cheap tricks. One mistake in this regard can cause you a lifetime of misery. Remember if a guy truly loves you and has good intentions to marry you, he would never ask or insist to sleep with you before marriage, as surely just like for you, the first night of marriage would be sacred and something to look forward to for him also.
Justice for all.
